piątek, 22 stycznia 2016

So it’s 2016

So it’s 2016.
On December 31st 2015 I hoped that starting January 1st I will magically become happier.
I haven’t.
Instead I landed in a hospital with my son. The Universe just wouldn’t cooperate and simply move all the bad stuff out of my way. Bummer.
Not that I haven’t tried to persuade the Universe and God to just make me happy. I really did. And believe me I can nag.

So I’ve kept thinking.

And I realized that the biggest part of my THINKING focuses around the same stuff. Over and over again. For months. Hell, for years to be honest. Yawn.
It’s a bunch of worn clichés, look:
Why other people are happier than I am?
Why can’t I just let go of some stuff?
Why can’t I just be at peace with everything I experience?
Why do I constantly crave for more happiness?
Why do I have a complicated, partially autistic and eplieptic kid?
And finally:
Why is being worried and scared the easiest and most natural state of mind for so many of us including myself??? Why is it so fucking hard to think positive?

A while ago I chatted with someone about my kid and I asked: Why is it me all over again? Why do I have to have a sick child?
And this person said: And why not?!?!?
This answer has kept me busy for a long time now. Because, seriously, WHY NOT?

So here I am. Dealing with „here and now“. Believing that everything that happens, happens for a good reason. Accepting that everything I experience, is in fact what I CAN bare.
I’m striking the „Why“ list. I’m really sick and tired of this. I’m done with asking questions, wondering and worrying. I’m done with “What ifs and Whys”.

Life is here. No time for questions, doubts and fears.

Happy 2016 to myself, my family, my friends.
It’s gonna be awesome.

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